Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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