alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
