Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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