We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
