Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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