Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
