very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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