And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
should my penis look like a turkey
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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