you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
