So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize