Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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