I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
