I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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