she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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