Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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