Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
