yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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