theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize