gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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