not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she woke up with a sticky ear
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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