Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
