I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
