i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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