I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
