Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
