I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Randomize
