Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
