The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
