Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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