I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
