My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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