Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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