VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
