I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
