Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i think i just lost a toe
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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