I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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