It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
