I just saw a hot homeless man
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
