I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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