he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
