i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
