Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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