We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
