Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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