Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
