In the future we'll all be gay
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
