he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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