I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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