My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
now i know why i became what i already was.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize