im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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