if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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