I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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