I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
