I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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