well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
