i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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