dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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