woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
